My RLGF

A RLGF or Real-Life Girl-Friend has been a rare occurrence for me over the past decade. Some would say it's because of MMO's, and they would be right. There was a time in my life where my typical day went like this:

• 5 PM: Go answer the phones at Papa John's Pizza.
• 10 PM: Log into Everquest and explore the Planes of Power with my Guild.
• 7 AM: Go to sleep.
• 4 PM: Wake up and get ready for work.

This was my daily cycle for nearly 2 years. I struggled through school, only worked 20 hours a week and spend the rest of my time earning "phat lewt" with my avatar friends. I was the classic 22 year old MMO guy living with his rents in college.

I had never had a girlfriend, or for that matter gone out on more than one or two dates with anyone. But I had some Flowing Thought III Boots which took me over 32 hours to obtain in-game. And in a warped sense of self worth, it actually meant something to me.

Then my father told me I had 30 Days to move out. It turned out to be the best decision I was ever forced to make in my early 20's. I moved in with a guy named David and started a brand-new job as a server at Applebees... and that's where I met my first RLGF.

We dated for nearly a year. Then she moved away for grad-school and I was left searching again... but now I had a taste, and I knew better what I desired out of life.

I joined some on-line dating websites, because after all, I was familiar with the on-line world and felt comfortable communicating via IM and Emails. I went out on more first dates than I can even remember. I would sometimes go out with 3 different people on the same day, because in my mind it was all a numbers game. If I met enough people, eventually I would find one who stuck around, right?

And stuck around they did... for a week, for 3 months, and even one for nearly a year and a half. But something was missing. Sometime last year I figured it out... it was my approach to dating. Everything I was doing was WRONG. I had to change my core methods and it wasn't something that came easily.

Are you ready for the secret to dating?

Here it is...

Stop looking for the woman of your dreams, and instead work on becoming the man of hers.

Let that sink in for a moment. Do you get it? It took me a while to get it and it's still something I struggle with from time to time, but the more I think about it, the more sense dating makes to me.

Here's an example: Let's say you're dating a girl who lives at home and she wants to introduce you to her parents when you pick her up one Friday night for a date. She says it will only be for a moment, so don't worry. Do you...

• A) Tell her no thanks, it's way too early to meet your parents!
• B) Ask if you can schedule a lunch or dinner next week so you can officially meet her parents properly when you have more time?
• C) Tell her you'd love to meet them, if only briefly.

A few years ago, my answer would have been a resounding (A), um... no thanks, not right now. It's too soon. I want to make a good impression. Excuse. Excuse. Yadda. Yadda.

But now think about it from her perspective. What kind of man does she want to date? Does she want to date someone who is concerned about first impressions? Someone who thinks it's too soon to be introduced to the family? Or does she want to date someone who desires to meet all the important people in her life, no matter what the timing or duration of the meeting?

I found that once I made that shift in my approach to dating, everything just seemed to work out. I met a girl named Tamalyn about a month ago, and as of last week she is officially my RLGF. She knows everything about my past, and I try on a daily basis to continue working on becoming the man of her dreams.

As John Piper says, the goal of marriage is not to stop the pursuit of other women... the goal of marriage is so you can perfect the pursuit of one woman over the course of a lifetime.